December 20, 2004
The Magic of Gentle Entry

Magic occurs when a discussion between partners is commenced with "gentle entry." Rather than suprise or, as sometimes occurs, shock your partner with feelings such as anger or disappointment, establish contact with a gentle entry. The following contrasts gentle entry with its opposite, "hard entry."

Hard entry : Your partner arrives home. Before he, or she, is even settled you begin a difficult or emotion-laden discussion that ignores his or her readiness to have it. Perhaps your emotions are already high, and you let your partner "have it." Your partner will feel this as an attack and will likely be reactive in response.

Gentle entry: After your partner arrives home and has a chance to settle down, you approach him or her with the following: "There's something I need to talk with you about, can we set up some time to do that?"

When you are respectful of each others readiness to discuss difficult issues through the use of gentle entry, the chances increase that you will experience your discussions as magical.

Previous months:
The Magic of Gentle Entry
Marriage as a long and ever-changing journey...